Everyone who's ever played an instrument, painted, wrote, performed any physical activity, or even just spent a night dancing in a club knows what the 'flow' is. That condition of leaving behind your sentient self and distracting thoughts, and entering a different state of being, in which actions come automatically and art produces itself.
So the flow is actually not that difficult to feel, for a few seconds or a few hours, but really I suppose it is always present, even if dulled by the mind's constant noise, external disturbances, our own self-doubt. Always present in us, like outside of us it makes the planets turn and the sea rise and fall.
The problem is...what happens when the flow is interrupted, deviated?
This is something that I've been working on constantly now, for months. I've been aware of something being wrong for years. Like a snake sheds its skin, a woman's body transforms itself each month. We are reborn every time through blood. This is the highest expression of our flow, our cycle.
And it's as if my body didn't know how to do that, or didn't want to. I knew all along but only after India the situation has escalated, my body is screaming for me to do something. This disturbance in my energy flow has been showing up in my performance, in my behaviour, in my emotions, but also physically, to the point in which while dancing the floors vibration gets locked in my feet causing painful inflammation.
I'm not sure how this started, how the different elements interconnect, but my blood, my feet, my dance, are all suffering from this.
I chose to ask for help, and started working on the problem. Everything, everyone I've been talking to, my dreams, signs I see around me, everything leads me to the same solution.
Learning to let go. Learning to let my feet talk to the ground, rise and fall without my trying to control them.
Learning to let go of my body, because it knows itself what's best.
Learning to let go of my thoughts, of self-judgment.
Learning to let go of judgment from others, of hurt.
Learning to forgive.
Learning to trust. The dance, the flow, my body, movement.
It's a long process and it can't be hurried. The body has its rhythms and messing with them will only make things worse. But I see progress. I trust. I heal.
